The Show Ends for the Mormon Taberknuckle Choir
By Ted M. Green | NBA Playoffs, L.A. Confidential, Los Angeles Lakers, ColumnThey may come from the land of Big Love and large families and teen pregnancies the parents really AREN’T all that unhappy about, but don’t be fooled by Jerry Sloan and his Mormon Taberknuckle Choir.
The Jazz were the NBA’s answer to Nosferatu, tougher to kill than Dracula.
The Lakers drove a dagger through their dark hearts in Game 6, and yet by the end their feet were still kicking in the coffin as they closed it, with two different looks at triples that would have, incredibly given the 19 point halftime deficit they faced, forced overtime.
I hope the Lakers don’t read this (overconfidence can be such an ugly thing), but we may have just witnessed the toughest series they’ll have to play.
D-Fish was D-Minded and D-Termined against the force of nature that is Deron Williams, but the old guy wasn’t getting over on me when he matter-of-factly said the Lakers don’t care whether it’s San Antonio or New Orleans in the Western Conference Finals.
One word: rubbish.
The Lakers would much rather face the Hornets. They’re younger, less experienced and far more psychologically vulnerable than the Spurs, whose four titles are all the more reason the Lakers will be rooting hard for the Bayou b-ballers on Monday night.
Since the previous six games in that series have all been decided by double digits, there’s no reason to think it’ll go any other way in Game 7. Chris Paul’s not going to let the Hornets lose that game on their home floor. But I still might take Deron Williams over CP3 if I had to pick one point guard, D-Will’s bad haircut notwithstanding.
The old Kobe: Would have heard the critics who blasted him for shot-hogging while injured when the Lakers blew the Game 4 overtime, then reacted with one of two bipolar extremes: He would have shot even more in Game 5, or not shot at all in one of his old, immature Kobe-esque f-u’s.
The new Kobe: Really does have a profound, even inspiring trust in his teammates. He moderated his shooting in Games 5 and 6, facilitated more, was mature enough to acknowledge his physical limitations, especially in Game 5.
THAT’S why he’s MVP: Kobe Bryant, all growed up.
Lamar Odom is the best third option–and third banana– since Robert Parish or Kevin McHale, whichever one was No. 3 at any given time on Bird’s Celtic teams.
Sasha Vujacic may flop and wear an effeminate head band, but the Machine is more than just a one-dimensional knockdown shooter. He can guard people, too.
I can’t for the life of me understand why NBA teams (like the Lakers coming down the stretch of Game 6) can’t guard the three-point line. Especially when a cluster of threes is the ONLY way a team can get back in a game they’re out of. It’s time to call the incessant double-teaming of the ball, especially against good teams. Inevitably, it swings back to open shooters and is followed by the stupid scrambling, with a Monkey in the Middle defender frantically trying to cover up what’s really happening, namely:
Bad defense.
Bonehead, too.
Here’s an idea: Stay home! Play honest, straight up D! Have a teammate help you at the rim! Regular two-point baskets won’t hurt you!
While his critics were calling for his oversized head, Mitch Kupchak was quietly building the deepest roster in the league. How deep? Well, when Andrew Bynum returns, and if Chris Mihm fully recovers, a serviceable and pretty athletic rebounder and shot blocker like DJ Mbenga, who is also 7 feet tall, is FOURTH string.
Kobe and Fisher are pretty good for two guys facing offseason surgery.
The Celtics are out of sync or out of gas. Or maybe both.
The Pistons are tougher minded and are playing much better on the road.
That’s why I’m picking a Detroit-L.A. final.
Ted Green is Senior Sports Producer for KTLA Prime News and a former sportswriter for the L.A. Times and National Sports Daily. His column is not intended to offend Mormons, choir singers or point guards with bad haircuts.
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13 Responses to “The Show Ends for the Mormon Taberknuckle Choir”
- 1 Pingback on May 17th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
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With an opening paragraph as juvenile as the one in this article, it’s hard to believe that the reporter was once a sportswriter for the L.A. Times and National Sports Daily. I can only imagine the reasons he is now a “former” sports writer.
Associating the modern-day 13-million member LDS (Mormon) Church with polygamy and underage sex is slanderous. Mr. Green should be ashamed.
I’ve blogged about the significant differences between the LDS and FLDS Church at http://www.allaboutmormons.com/Blog/mormon_church_polygamous_flds_div_ENG_17.php
New Kobe, old Kobe, blah blah blah. Dude you are too emotional for this here “bidness”. Until the next time the Lakers lose, he is great Kobe. You know how you are, he either did not shoot enough, or shot too much or was passing too much or whatever your little mind can dream up. Go back and read some of your moodswings on the topic and excuse me if i find your recent return to the wagon a little unsettling.
why all the hating? sportshub is the most underrated sports site out there- needs more articles
JD - learn to take a joke. Also, since when is having a “big family” a signature of the FLDS? I’m pretty sure ‘large families’ have part and parcel of the LDS church in general - please note that Ted never suggested anything dealing with polygamy, only families beginning young(”teen” can be 18 or 19, my friend - or it could have been a joke at the expense of former Jazz star Karl Malone, but let’s not go there, shall we?), and families with a large number of children. You’re going to tell me neither are hallmarks of LDS? If so, you’re lying.
… Whoop. “Big Love.” My bad - didn’t make the connection ’til I re-read it.
Still - inability to take a joke?
Under…When a joke is not based in truth or is not even funny, why should JD take a joke. It was a lame attempt at a joke, and JD gave the proper response.
I for one (Portland Trailblazer fan) have felt since the aquisition of Pau Gasol, the Lakers are the best team in the NBA. Notice that I didn’t say that they have been the best team. But I think they have the best potential to win it all. Kobe reminds me of those very few players who can do whatever he needs to do when it really matters. And with Fisher and Odem (along with great role players such as Walton), they will be able to handle anyone they come across this year.
I didn’t read past the first paragraph because of the inaccuracy of this reporters idea of Utah.
Pathetic. And for anyone who says “take a joke”? Are you kidding me?
Tell African-Americans to take a joke everytime someone says the N word. Tell Catholics to take a joke everytime someone says all priests are pedophiles. Tell any minority group to take a joke everytime someone makes an politically incorrect joke.
None of them are funny. Be a smart writer and learn to make a joke that isn’t at the expense of some religious or racial group. If the things said about Mormons were said about any other group, people would lose their jobs and be all up in arms about it.
Here’s a challenge. Come up with a joke that hasn’t been used 20,000 times before. Writers like you ruin the credibility of bloggers everywhere. Thanks Jack Ass.
And when people accuse a father of using his daughter’s very grave illness for material benefit, you’d jump to his defense too, right JazzFan? Tell them to get their facts straight? Refrain from shouting “CANCER” from the stands?
These guys are just using your mormon joke as an excuse to ridicule you. They are mad because you do your job, which rubs it in their faces that the Jazz lost. Who cares? Don’t take personal attacks at Ted Green because you’re sour over your team’s inferiority.
What a worthless intro. F-.
Great Post