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A whole first half and one bucket for Kobe.
 
Fish, nada.  No points at all.
 
Lamar, stuck behind the 8-ball, just 8 points.
 
Lakers, a very un-Laker like 89 total.
 
Plus they fall behind by 20 and STILL win?
 
As my former fantasy girlfriend Kelly LeBrock was just whispering softly in my ear, that’s a lot of Weird Science.

And for the Spurs, it might be the night their science lab blew up.

 
You’re San Antonio, you hold the Lakers under 90 and lose?
 
You lead by 20 mid-third quarter and lose?
 
The Lakers play their C-minus, or D-minus, game for 30 minutes and you lose?
 
Psychologically, Gregg Popovich is going to have to be Kierkegard, Freud and Dr. Phil all in one to get the patient to recover from that crashing depression.
 
(And I might ask as a small aside, is Kobe so sure the Lakers can beat the aging Spurs, he can get lost on I-5 coming up from the OC, disappear for the first 30 minutes like he landed a cameo on “Without a Trace”…then he flips the KB switch like it’s just another day at the office?
 
One word, courtesy of Vic the Brick:  eeeee, yikes!)
 
Now all that said, Laker Nation, I’m not so cocksure about one fortunate close win in a Game 1 to dismiss the Spurs with a confident shrug.
 
Dracula was 700 years old, too, and you still have to drive a stake through his heart to kill him.
 
I do think the Spurs have some Nosferatu in them, too.  If you don’t believe me, ask the Hornets, who had a 2-0 lead only to go 1-4 over the last 5.  
 
Nice, New Orleans, and thanks for coming.
 
I do believe PJ and his staff have faced Pop so many times, they know the Spurs so well, they have the plan down: 
 
Single cover Duncan, give him plenty of touches, make him work for his 30, but concentrate, emphasize, do everything humanly possible to control Eva’s husband, Tony, and the wild card flopper Ginobili.
 
Just look at the math:
 
Give Duncan 30 (which he won’t get every game).
Parker 20.
Ginobili 15.
That’s 65.
There’s no way the Spurs bench can give them more than 30 most nights.
That’s 95.
Before their stage fright in Game 1, the Lakers were averaging 112 in the playoffs.
They’re certainly good enough to drop 100 on the Spurs.
 
In other words, Lakers win.
 
Still all you amateur Zenmasters, if you’re already home or in your office game-planning for the Celtics, stop.
 
The Spurs won four titles in nine years because that “it” thing Gatorade peddles IS in them.  They DO have Rudy T’s heart of a champion.
 
In other words, I’m not counting them out until the referee does.  Preferably standing over them.
 
700 or not, I’m not selling them short until the stake is driven through, the coffin closes and no bat flies away.  
 
As long as George Hamilton and Leslie Nielsen are still available for remakes, the death of Dracula is still just a rumor to me.
 
 
Ted Green is Senior Sports Producer for KTLA Prime News and a former sportswriter for the L.A. Times and National Sports Daily
 

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