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Please, Joe, say it again. I couldn’t possibly have heard it right the first time.

Joe Torre wants Manny Ramirez to cut his hair?

Why, so Manny can look like Aramis Ramirez?

Why, so Manny can conform?

Conform to what? A Dodger corporate culture that’s as uncool as a pompadour?

Joe, don’t you know? The Dodgers haven’t been hip since Pee Wee, Jackie and the Boys of Summer. In fact, the Dodgers have been a symbol of corporate uncool for only about 50 years.

Besides, Manny’s dreads are tight. They give the Dodgers the savoir faire they haven’t had in, like, forever.

His dreadlocks represent flamboyance, personality, color, attitude, swagger. These are qualities we haven’t seen around Dodger Stadium since, I don’t know, We Like Ike?

Oh Joe, say it ain’t so.

The dreads aren’t just Manny being Manny, they’re his signature, his imprimatur, his calling card.

Like Samson, they may even be the source of his power.

Don’t be a Delilah, Joe.

Manny without the dreads is like Rocky without the porkpie hat or Ray Charles without the sunglasses.

Joe, it’s time for you to you to put away the facade of Yankee pinstripe conservatism and come on in to the 21st century.

C’mon, Joe, next thing we know, you’ll be voting for McCain, you old fogey.

Oh, and let me be the last to remind you, the Dodgers aren’t paying Manny. Not one thin dime out of the owner’s pocket. You got Manny-freakin’-Ramirez for free and you want him to cut his hair like he’s an extra in “Hoosiers”?

He comes in, sells tickets off the hook, makes the Dodgers relevant again, hits .625 in his first four games with two bombs and two curtain calls and standing ovations when he strikes out or hits into double plays, and you’re gonna ask him to find a Supercuts?

I would put Jeff Kent in extension dreads before I would ask Manny Ramirez to cut his hair.

I’d put Takashi Saito in dreads and Kabuki makeup before I’d ask Manny to drop the dreads.

I would force the other 24 guys to wear dreads if it would give the Dodgers more joie de vivre and help them score more than two runs a game.

Joe, of all the people in Western civilization, you should know better than anyone, having managed the Yankees, that the Red Sox’ colorfulness, symbolized by Manny being Manny, helped them win two World Series while making them far and away the most watchable team and best story in baseball.

And to this you want to take a scissors?

I’d rather take a clippers to your stuffiness. Buzz your predictability and leave it in a big pile on the floor.

I know, I know, the team has a rule. Here’s a brilliant idea: Change it! The no long hair edict is dumb and out of date anyway.

Any guy who goes flies ‘cross country, sleeps three hours, then goes 8 for 13, I don’t care if he wears a bucket on his head. Or a beanie with a propeller.

Joe, this one is a real no-brainer, even for an old-world Sicilian. Manny cuts his hair, goes 2 for 20, the Dodgers fall five games behind Arizona and, Joe, you’re gonna want to kick yourself right in the labonza.

It may only be hair, but where Manny is concerned, it really is so much more.

Joe, that’s why Dodger fans are all tangled up today, dreading the outcome. They want to embrace your new Blue Crew.

It’s the Blue Crewcut we can all do without.

Ted Green is Senior Sports Producer for KTLA Prime News and a former sportswriter for the L.A. Times and National Sports Daily

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